Where the fuck
should you eat?
Stop negotiating with hungry cowards. Answer a few questions, let the group vote, and receive one decisive restaurant ruling — with attitude.
No account. No app to install. Works on the phone you're already arguing on.
The verdict you'll get
The Ruling
You're going to tacos.
You people spent 23 minutes pretending to be flexible. Three of you want Mexican. One person wants sushi because apparently dinner is now a hostage negotiation. Debate's over.
Fast, cheap, open now, and it hits the craving you keep lying about.
Rachel. She'll survive. Lines mean it's good.
Go now. You're welcome.
One answer, not 47 options
Other apps hand you a list and walk away. We make the call — one primary pick, one backup, and a reason you can't argue with.
Built for group chaos
Share a link. Everyone votes their wants and vetoes in under a minute. The app reads the room, ends the debate, and names the difficult one.
Rude, not hateful
It roasts indecision, fake flexibility, and committee behavior — never your identity, allergies, or dietary needs. Profane, never cruel.
Rude, not hateful.
Yes, it swears. No, it doesn't punch down. Every ruling passes a deterministic safety scan before you ever see it — no slurs, no protected-class jokes, no shaming anyone's allergies or budget. The comedy is aimed at the indecision, not the people.